DROUGHT – AND YOUR INBOX

GRASSMONSTER SAYS:

BRITAIN DECLARES DROUGHT – AND YOUR INBOX MIGHT BE TO BLAME

Welcome to the Great British Dry-Out. While your kettle still works and your tea tastes the same, Northwest England is now officially in drought, and the rest of the country isn’t far behind. In scenes more typical of Arizona than Accrington, reservoirs are cracked, grass is toasted, and officials are quietly panicking behind bureaucratic clipboards.

After the driest spring in over 100 years, water companies are urging citizens to take extreme action – and no, not just shorter showers. According to one guidance sheet, you’re encouraged to delete old emails to reduce the load on data centres, which use electricity, which heats up, which in turn… apparently uses water. Got that?

This is the absurd intersection where climate anxiety meets digital guilt. The message is clear: stop watering your begonias and clean out your inbox. That’s not a satirical joke – it’s official advice.

Meanwhile, farmers across the country are already warning of stunted crops and falling yields, especially for water-intensive foods like salad, potatoes, and pulses. Fruit farmers say this summer’s apples may be more wrinkled than a pensioner’s knees.

Of course, this isn’t a surprise to scientists. They’ve been warning for decades that the UK’s infrastructure is designed for drizzle, not drought. With population growth and urban sprawl showing no signs of slowing, the pressure on water systems is nearing catastrophic.

While the government promises billions for reservoirs and desalination plants, these are years away. Right now, hosepipe bans are imminent, and entire towns may soon face enforced rationing if the skies don’t cooperate.

This moment – unremarkable in its stillness, terrifying in its implications – marks the slow transformation of Britain into something unrecognisable. Not because of war or collapse, but because the tap might one day turn and nothing will come out.

So don’t be surprised if the next crisis meeting isn’t held in Westminster – it’s held in your bathroom, over a sink full of nothing.

#UKDrought #ClimateCrisis #WaterShortage #DeleteEmails #DriestSpring #BritishWeather #GrassmonsterReports

Author: @grassmonster